My Big D and I don't mean Dallas story!

Oh my friends :(  This past year has been a terrible time for me and my family.  Kerry and I should have been celebrating so many wonderful things and instead we ventured into the scary, strange world of DIVORCE!
We started off 2011 excited about our family vacation to Disney, then Kerry got promoted to a road officer at his department.  We were finally on a good path financially and I thought emotionally.  Shortly after Kerry's swearing in at the department all HELL broke loose.  We should have been excited planning a 15 year wedding anniversary, instead Kerry uttered the words I.NEVER.THOUGHT.I.WOULD.HEAR.   "i want a divorce"!!!
He didn't actually lead off with that it was more of, "I am not happy".  Well friends, I honestly was not happy either :(  I wanted more!  I wanted someone to joke with, someone to entertain with, someone to be happy with.  I would read other peoples blogs and be so jealous of the relationships they seemed to have with their spouses.  My friends in real life seem to be happy as well.  I mean I truly know that there are ups and downs in every relationship, but it seemed like all joy had slowly drained from my marriage.  It leaked out over the years.  Looking back I am not sure we ever had a true deep love for one another. 
Well the words, "i am not happy" led us to what I thought was couples counseling (turns out it was all for Kerry and he had no intentions of making us work he just wanted happiness for him).  He told me in May (right before Mother's Day) that he wanted to call it quits and he was done... I wrote this post intially sometime in 2012, I could never finish it or bring myself to post it... until now.